Blog of Steven N. Cole, LLC

Living Together Before Marriage and Marriage Stability

Posted on behalf of the firm in Divorce
21July
2012

With more than half of first marriages breaking up within twenty years, would couples be better off living together first?

In the past, living together before marriage was a sign that, if the couple did marry, there was a good chance the marriage would be unsuccessful and the couple would divorce.  However, according to a new study, this is no longer true.

Back in the 1960’s, only about ten percent of couples lived together before marrying.  Now, in the United States, about sixty percent of couples cohabitate before marriage.  According to Wendy Manning, co-director of the National Center for Family and Marriage Research at Bowling Green University in Ohio, the trend has become so common, that “it’s not surprising it no longer negatively affects marital stability.” 

The study conducted by the university found those who were engaged and living together before the wedding were just as likely to have marriages that lasted fifteen years as those who hadn’t lived together.  However, the study also found that those who lived together without being engaged were less likely to survive the 10-15 year mark in their marriage.  Probable reasons for these statistics include more lax attitudes about commitment, lower education levels or family histories that made these couples more pessimistic about marriage.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found the following statistics for marriage: 

  • Nearly half of all marriages break up within twenty years. 
  • Those women and men with bachelor’s degrees were more likely to delay marriage, but also were more likely to eventually get married and stay married for at least twenty years. 
  • Asian women were the most likely to be in a first marriage that lasted at least twenty years.  Nearly 70 percent of Asian women were still in their first marriage, compared to 54 percent of white women, 53 percent of Hispanic women, and 37 percent of Black women.
  • Among men, 62 percent of Hispanics were still in their first marriage at 20 years, compared to 54 percent of whites and 53 percent of blacks.  There were no statistics for Asian men in the study.

It appears then that whether a couple lives together or not before marriage, there is a good chance their marriage may still end in divorce.  Whenever a couple considers divorce, there are many issues that need to be considered.  No matter whether a divorce case involves a complex property division issue, or a contested custody dispute, an experienced Arizona divorce attorney would not only defend your rights, but would pursue the best possible outcome on behalf of your divorce case.

Posted in Divorce |

Divorce Therapy and Adjustment

Posted on behalf of the firm in Divorce
17July
2012

The end of a marriage can be one of the most stressful events in a person’s life.  Even for the partner who chooses to leave, divorce can arouse feelings of grief, guilt, anger, anxiety and other intense feelings.  People will sometimes seek therapy to help them decide whether to stay in a marriage or leave, and others may seek help in making the transition from being married to being single again.

Working with a divorce therapist can provide a person with the necessary skills to cope with a divorce.  A therapist can assist a person to learn more about himself and see the transition in his life as an opportunity for growth and personal development.

For a couple who are going through the divorce process, divorce therapy is a means of working together in a healthy, constructive fashion to achieve the dissolution of their marriage.  A divorce therapist sets guidelines to ensure  the divorce is achieved with minimal hostility and emotional damage, and can address such issues as living arrangements, financial obligations and parenting responsibilities.

Therapy can be significantly important for children in a divorce.  When parents are consumed with their own feelings, they often overlook the emotional state of their children.  Children can struggle with feelings of guilt, loss, pain, abandonment, loyalty, and can even worry that they are the cause of the divorce.  Both parents and children need to seek help for all the issues that arise as a result of the divorce in order to move forward in a healthy and constructive way.

A therapist can also help people adjust after a divorce.  Working with a therapist can be helpful for those who are struggling with entering this new phase of their lives.  Newly divorced people should recognize that not only their lives, but the lives of those around them have been significantly changed by their situation.  Stress over losing friends and family members, worries about financial status, employment, housing, and overcoming guilt as a parent of a divorced child are all issues that can cause emotional and mental stress.  A trained therapist can teach an individual the coping techniques he needs to make the transition from marriage to single life, and to begin his new life with a healthy perspective.

Posted in Divorce |

Baby Boomer Divorce Rate Doubles

Posted on behalf of the firm in Divorce
14July
2012

Divorce rates in  Arizona and across the country for the general population have stabilized over the past several decades, but not for those ages 50 and over.  The baby boomer divorce rate has nearly doubled  in the last twenty years, according to a study by Bowling Green University.  In 1990, fewer than one in ten people who divorced were 50 or over.  In 2009, that figure was one in four. 

Why are baby boomers, those persons born between the years 1946 and 1964, divorcing in record numbers?  Divorce experts believe that a number of factors could be contributing to the ‘booming’ baby boomer divorce rate.

One factor in the divorce rate is that people are living longer, healthier lives than in the past.  When people retire at 60 or 65, they can live another 20-30 years, and if they are not happy in their current marriage, divorce is a viable alternative.

Then there is the reason that many couples stay in an unhappy marriage: to create a more stable life for their children.  Many baby boomer couples stayed together for their children’s sakes, and now that those children are grown and out of the home, these couples are ending their unhappy marriages.

Another factor that can lead to an increase in the divorce rate is that women are more educated and independent today and have more of an opportunity to start new lives without worrying about financial issues.  These women are more self-confident in living alone, and, many times, prefer to live alone.  Being more financially secure than divorcing couples in the past, means that both former spouses can live comfortable lives after the divorce.

Baby boomer couples going through the divorce process are being more practical in their divorces, and are looking for alternatives to the standard divorce, in that they are trying to bring an end to their marriage in a less destructive way.  Many couples are using arbitration and collaborative law to make the divorce process as friendly and stress free as possible.

Posted in Divorce |

Arizona Wage Assignments

Posted on behalf of the firm in child support
10July
2012

When a couple with minor children divorces, a child support order is written from the court which tells which parent must pay child support, the amount of the payment, how often the payment is to be made and who will  receive child support payments for the children.  In dealing with child support after a divorce, a  Wage Assignment is  ordered in every case, and makes it easy and convenient for the payor to make a child support payment.

When a Wage Assignment is ordered, the court sends a copy of it to the payor’s employer.  The employer is instructed to automatically deduct the child support from the payor’s paycheck to comply with the court order.  The payment is sent by the employer to the Support Payment Clearinghouse within two business days of the date the payor, the employee of the company, is paid.  The payment is  recorded by the clearinghouse and is then mailed to the payee.  The state child support enforcement agency may also issue a wage assignment if the agency is providing services in a particular case.

When a company first begins automatic deduction from an employee’s paycheck, it may take a month or longer for the wage assignment to be processed.  The payor must then make payments of child support directly to the Support Payment Clearinghouse and continue to do so until the payments are automatically taken out of his  check. 

Whenever a payor starts a new job, he must give a copy of the Wage Assignment to his new employer, notify the Clerk of the Superior Court and the Support Payment Clearinghouse of the new employer’s address and name in writing within ten days, and then, until the Wage Assignment goes into effect with the new employer,  make his child support payments directly to the clearinghouse.

There are times when a Wage Assignment cannot be used to make child support payments.  If a payor is not employed, self-employed or does not have a regular source of income, he must then make his child support payments directly to the Support Payment Clearinghouse.  In most cases, however, the Wage Assignment is the easiest and most reliable means for not only a payor to make his child support payments, but for the payee to receive uninterrupted payments for the former couple’s minor children.

Posted in child support |

Katie Holmes Files for ‘Emergent Application’

Posted on behalf of the firm in Celebrity Divorce, Child Custody
7July
2012

In a divorce proceeding, when one partner files an emergent application to determine immediate child support and custody issues,  the other partner in the divorce has no choice but to use a lawyer from the state the application was filed.  The motion also means that the couple will now have to appear before a judge and there will no longer be an out-of-court settlement.

When Katie Holmes took out an emergent application in New York on Tuesday, insiders believe she did so because she feared her husband Tom Cruise would not cooperate with her on child custody issues.  An unnamed source stated that “Katie doesn’t anticipate Tom cooperating,” as there are rumors he will be filing in California and arguing that the litigation should be there instead of New York.  New York courts are more apt to grant the mother sole custody in antagonistic divorces.

When most celebrities divorce, they settle out-of-court to prevent the media from being involved in their case.  By Katie Holmes filing the emergent application,  her divorce will now be tried in an open court room, which not only means that anyone can walk in and see what’s happening, but that the couple is putting their case in the hands of a judge as well.  The judge will be the person making the decision as to what will happen next in the couple’s divorce proceedings.  Most celebrity couples do not want this as they want the divorce to be as low key as possible.  This is an aggressive move for Holmes to take and it suggests that she believes there will be a contentious divorce battle to come.

For Tom Cruise, who is being represented by Dennis Wasser, one of Los Angeles’ top divorce lawyers, the emergency motion means he will now have to hire his own New York-based attorney and will also have to appear with Katie before Judge Matthew Cooper on July 17 in open court.

Posted in Celebrity Divorce, Child Custody |

Parental Relocation After Divorce in Arizona

Posted on behalf of the firm in Parental Relocation
3July
2012

Part Two of Two

When a custodial parent in Arizona wants to move with his or her children 100 miles or more from the non-custodial parent, there are legal steps to be taken to make this move possible.  When the parent has notified the court as required, the court will then decide if the relocation is in the child’s best interest.  The judge must consider all relevant factors, which include the following:

  • Whether each parent is acting in good faith, and each parent’s motive
  • The likely effect on quality of life for the child and custodial parent
  • Whether the relocating parent is likely to follow parenting-time orders that the child spend time with the non-relocating parent
  • Whether the arrangement will allow parenting time with each parent
  • The emotional, physical or developmental needs of the child
  • Whether the move would affect the child’s stability
  • The child’s wishes
  • The child’s other important relationships such as those with siblings
  • The child’s adjustment to his or her current home
  • The mental and physical health of the parents and children
  • Historical abuse or false reporting
  • Whether either parent has failed to attend required parent education courses

If the relocation is granted, the court still requires a “meaningful relationship” to continue with both parents, which may mean the non-custodial parent will receive extended time with the child during holidays and school breaks. 

Although there is no substitute for face-to-face visitation, today’s technology makes communication in long distance parent-child relationships much easier than in the past. 

Relocation after a divorce is a complicated issue and the guidance of an experienced family law attorney can be very beneficial.

Posted in Parental Relocation |

Parental Relocation After Divorce in Arizona

Posted on behalf of the firm in Parental Relocation
30June
2012

Part One of Two

When a divorced custodial parent wants to relocate to another town or another state, he or she will, of course, want to take the children with him or her to the new location.  By doing so, the non-custodial parent will no longer be able to spend as much time with his children as he or she is accustomed.

The most common reasons for a parent wanting to relocate are the following:

  • The relocating parent wants or needs to accept a new job, or job transfer
  • The relocating parent’s new spouse or partner receives a job transfer
  • The relocating parent wants to remarry or move closer to a romantic partner
  • The relocating parent wants to be closer to extended family for emotional or financial support
  • The relocating parent wants to return to school or begin job retraining
  • The relocating parent or his or her spouse receives a military assignment
  • The relocating parent may have health or safety needs and need to move near a particular hospital for medical treatment
  • The relocating parent may want to put distance between his or her former partner either for personal reasons or because of a history of abuse

The provisions of  Arizona’s relocation law are set forth by A.R.S section 25-408, and include the following:

  • When both parents live in Arizona and each has custody or parenting-time rights, either parent must give at least 60 days advance written notice of intent to either move with the child out of Arizona, or move with the child more than 100 miles within Arizona.
  • The court shall sanction a parent who fails to give this required notice unless the parent had “good cause,” but the sanction may not modify custody or parenting time unless it would be in the child’s best interest.
  • Within 30 days after notice is made the non-relocating parent can object to the relocation by petitioning the court for relief.
  • If the objecting parent misses the deadline, the relief may only be given for “good cause.”
  • The court will decide whether to allow the proposed relocation based on what is in the child’s “best interest” and the parent trying to move away has the burden of proving that the relocation will be in the child’s best interest.

To be continued.

Posted in Parental Relocation |

Virtual Visitation: A Sensible Child Custody Option

Posted on behalf of the firm in Child Custody
26June
2012

When a couple with children divorces, it is best for the children if both parents are actively involved in their lives.  Unfortunately for the non-custodial parent, events occur that cause separation between themselves and their children.

Although the non-custodial parent tries to be there for his children, situations, such as a new job or marriage to a new spouse, occur and they cannot physically be in the same town or even state as his or her children.

The National Center for State Courts estimates that 18 million children have separated or divorced parents, and the parents of another 17 million children have never been married.  One out of four of these children have a parent living in a different city.  According to research, 75 percent of single mothers will relocate four years after divorcing, and half that number will relocate again.  Approximately ten million children do not have regular face-to-face interaction with one of their parents.

Thanks to modern technology, parents can stay in touch with their children.  A few tools to communicate with children are phone texting, email, Facebook, and video hookups with webcams.  All of these “virtual visitation” tools, assist in making distance parenting much easier.

The term, “Virtual Visitation”, is even being used in family courts to refer to the right of a non-custodial parent to have electronic communication with his or her children.  Utah enacted one of the first electronic visitation laws, and Illinois was the most recent state where virtual visitation became a law in 2010.  Six states have laws covering virtual or electronic visitation rights, with effort underway in twenty-two more states.

Advocates for virtual visitation say that it does provide a way to strengthen the bond between parents and children, but is not meant to replace the face-to-face contact, but just to supplement it between holidays and summer breaks.

Critics say the law gives some non-custodial parents an excuse to move away, using the promise of virtual visitation to receive approval from the court to relocate.  There are cases, too, where virtual visitation has been used to spy on one parent with the non-custodial parent  asking children to open closets or walk around the house so he or she can see if the custodial parent has a new significant other.

No matter whether you are for or against virtual visitation, it is here to stay and it does give parents the option to communicate and “virtually visit” with their children no matter how far apart from each other they may be.

Posted in Child Custody |

Domestic Violence Deaths in Arizona Tragically Consistent

Posted on behalf of the firm in Domestic Violence
23June
2012

Part Three of Three

Domestic violence deaths in the state of Arizona have stayed consistent over the years, with about 100 deaths a year.  Although this data is not what law enforcement officials or people in general would like to see, a steady rate is better than an increase in domestic violence deaths.

The checklist of signs we previously discussed – if a woman had been threatened or assaulted with a gun, she is 20 times more likely as other battered women to be murdered, and if a woman had been choked before by an abuser, she is 10 times more likely to killed -  are so consistent that intake workers at domestic violence shelters use this criteria to establish what danger a woman faces.  Phoenix police officers also ask similar questions when they go out on approximately 14,000 domestic violence calls every year.

Carl Mangold, a licensed social worker, said  that there “is a pattern in incidents that end fatally” in that a man becomes “violent, he blames the victim, she resists, his abuse escalates, she tries to leave the relationship, and he punishes her for her defiance.”

What Mr. Mangold stated is true in most cases, however Arizona’s latest incident of domestic violence that ended with fatalities, did not fit this pattern.  According to police, evidence in the case indicates that James Butwin, killed his wife and their three children, even though friends say they saw no history of violence.  But this case is the exception, as in most case there are warning signs.

The warning signs were there when J.T. Ready shot and killed his girlfriend and three other people.  The warning signs were there when Christina Alvarez was shot and killed in Phoenix, and when Tekesha Barnes was shot outside of a school waiting for her daughter, and when Amanda Blaies-Rianldi was shot and killed by her abusive husband.

The Sojourner Center, a domestic violence shelter for women where the 224 beds are always full, always asks a woman upon entry if her abuser has access to a gun.  Connie Phillips, the Sojourner Center’s director, not only assesses the necessary security measures that need to be taken at the center at intake time, but also helps the woman understand how much danger she may be in from her abuser, as victims may minimize the risk they face as a means of coping with abuse from day to day.

If an abuser has a gun, he does not even need to point it at her to intimidate her.  It is a tool to show he has “the power”, and she does not, stated Phillips.  She tells the story of a woman who was shot by her abuser, but survived.  The abuser said he was sorry, that it would never happen again, and when he brought her home from the hospital he did take good care of her for awhile.  But then one day she felt the gun against her head again.  The abuser pulled the trigger, but fortunately for her, the chamber was empty.   She left him for good that time.

However, unfortunately, not everyone leaves their abuser in time.

Posted in Domestic Violence |

Domestic Violence Deaths on Arizona Tragically Consistent

Posted on behalf of the firm in Domestic Violence
19June
2012

Part Two of Three

In last month’s blog, we were discussing the Arizona domestic violence death  of Amanda Blaies-Rinaldi.  Her death on December 13th, was one of at least 101 domestic violence related deaths in the state in 2011, and of those, 59 involved guns.  In 2012, two recent incidents of domestic violence deaths that claimed five victims each, each involved children, have dominated the news in Arizona.  These two incidents, however, are only a fraction of the total as at least 48 people have died, and 31 of those were shot to death.  Arizona numbers are consistent:  roughly one hundred a year are killed in domestic violence incidents.

These killings include a wide range of types of incidents because the definition of domestic violence is any type of violence between people who share a residence, and so we have violence incidents which includes spouses, girlfriends and boyfriends, relatives and even bystanders.  Domestic violence deaths are counted when a partner or other person in the home, kills or is killed.  If the abuser kills someone in the home and then turns around and kills himself, or is killed by law enforcement  responding to the incident, then this would be considered two domestic violence deaths.  Even though there are these many types of domestic violence incidents, when someone talks about domestic violence and when experts study it, the main focus is on the classic pattern in which a person, usually a man, kills his partner.

A team of international researchers in 2003, compared two groups of battered women.  One group consisted of 220 women who had been killed by their partners, while the other group consisted of 343 women who had been abused, but not killed.  Researchers discovered when a history of domestic violence exists, certain factors vastly increase the likelihood that the abuse will end in death.  Those battered women who had been threatened or assaulted with a gun, are 20 times more likely as the other battered women to be murdered.  Another interesting fact discovered was those women who had been choked are ten times more likely to be killed.  This fact was a driving force behind the July 2010 change in Arizona law that made attempted choking or strangulation a Class 4 felony instead of a misdemeanor assault.

Other factors can increase a victim’s risk and these factors are substance abuse, depression, estrangement, unemployment, abuse during pregnancy and the presence of a step-child.  For specialists in the field, this study is a tool to use for assessing risk in domestic violence situations.

To be continued.

Posted in Domestic Violence |