Going through the divorce process is an emotional, stressful time in a person’s life, which is even made even more difficult when the divorce is a “bad” one.  According to one counselor and mental health consultant, Diana Dodson, divorcing couples need to learn how to have a more amenable divorce, especially when there are children involved.

Dr. Dodson states that it is difficult for divorcing couples to not have feelings of anger, getting even with the ex-spouse, blaming the spouse for the marriage problems, not accepting responsibility for the marriage break-up, denying problems exist, putting children in the middle, feeling like a failure or feeling rejected.  These things are, according to Dodson, some of the things we do and feel when we are in the middle of a divorce.  There are ways to feel better about your divorce, even if you are angry, frustrated or devastated by the divorce.

When you both are unhappy in a marriage, then it isn’t a good marriage and you are better off apart.  Don’t try to hurt the other person as this is very immature, and although you may think this will make you feel better, in the end you will probably feel ashamed of your actions.  Sitting down and talking to someone, whether it be a professional or just a friend, may help you come to terms with the divorce.  Before divorcing, you may want to try a trial separation to give you the time and space to decide if divorce is really is really the avenue you want to take.  Talking with a marriage counselor at this time could be beneficial in working out the issues in your marriage. 

One important point Dr. Dodson brings up is never putting the children in the middle in a divorce.  Do not use your children to get even, and do not say negative things about the other parent to your children as this could come back to haunt you as the children become older.  If parents can accept the divorce and come to terms with themselves, a divorce will not only be easier for them, but for their children as well.

In the United States today, the percentage of married adults has reached an all time low.  Researchers form the University of Central Oklahoma and Cornell University conducted a study, which was published in the December 2011 issue of Family Relations, into the diminishing rate of marriage by interviewing 122 people in cohabitating relationships.

By interviewing these people, the researchers found that 67 percent of these cohabitating couples had fears about the emotional, financial, social and legal consequences of divorce, and the worries of having to deal with the fallout of divorce,  made them leery of marriage.  The researchers found that middle-class couples had a more favorable view of marriage when compared to working-class people.   Middle-class couples also viewed cohabitation as a stepping stone to marriage.  Those who were more likely to have doubts about the “trap” of marriage, were lower-income women.  These women felt marriage would lead to more domestic responsibilities with, basically, very few benefits, and also felt that it might be difficult to end the marriage should the relationship fail.

Many working-class cohabitating couples had the opinion that marriage was “just a piece of paper”, and would be no different than their current relationship.  Another fear of these couples is they were afraid of becoming dependant on their spouse’s income and, thus, be unable to leave a bad marriage.

A Pew Research Center study reported that just over half of adult Americans are married, which is the lowest rate in decades.  However, these low rates are due in part to people marrying later and the rise of cohabitation.  This study does point out the fear of divorce does weigh heavily on the minds of cohabitating couples, and these couples tend to delay or avoid marriage.

The findings in these studies, researchers say, could help premarital counselors devise lessons that address the specific concerns and also ease the fears of divorce for unmarried couples of all socioeconomic classes.

Arizona is a state that does not allow same-sex marriage.  What happens when a man who was born as a woman, but had a sex change, though he still has female reproductive organs, marries, moves to Arizona, and then decides he wants to divorce his wife?  What happens is a judge questions whether the man’s marriage was legally valid in the first place.

Thomas Beatie is the man in question.  He is a transgender man who is now divorcing his wife Nancy.  Beatie was born as a woman in Hawaii,  had a sex change in 1998, but retained his female sex organs.  He and his wife, Nancy, were married as man and wife in 2003.  Both Beatie’s birth certificate and passport were changed to identify him as a man.

Beatie and his wife wanted children, but since Nancy was infertile, Beatie was the one who bore their three children.  Beatie made headlines when photos of him with a beard and pregnant belly were made public.

Although Hawaii recognizes Beatie as a man, Arizona does not because he still has female reproductive organs.  Beatie’s attorney, David Michael Cantor stated that  Hawaii said it was okay,  the marriage was valid, but “who is Arizona to say, well, we’re going to ignore one of the other 49 states and say this is not a valid marriage?”  This is new territory for Arizona and Cantor is fighting to have the marriage recognized.  If the marriage is not recognized, Beatie will not have to pay spousal maintenance, but this is something Beatie does not want.  He wants not only his marriage validated in Arizona, but wants to be recognized as a male, as well.

According to TMZ, the judge in the case argues that since Arizona doesn’t recognize gay marriage, he does not have the authority to divorce a couple that, in his opinion, were never married in the first place.  Whatever decision the judge makes will set precedent in Arizona over transgender marriages.

Research has shown that low-income couples are less likely to marry and more likely to divorce than couples with more money.  According to researchers at the University of California, money problems, drinking and drug use is the cause of this trend.  However, researchers say that lower income people value the institution of marriage as much as those with greater incomes.

A study which was published in the Journal of Marriage and Family, suggests that efforts to strengthen marriages of lower-income people need to focus on the problems faced by these people instead of just promoting the value of marriage.  In the study, co-authors Thomas Trail and Benjamin Karney surveyed 6,000 people in Florida, California, New York and Texas, with an average age of 45, and found that people with lower incomes were less likely to approve of divorce and more likely to value the economic aspects of marriage, which included both the husband and wife having good jobs.

The research showed that people with lower incomes do value marriage as an institution and have similar standards for choosing a marriage partner, and also experience many of the same problems that more affluent couples go through.  This research has proven, according to the authors of the study,  that our government needs to spend less money on initiatives that promote the value of marriage, and spend more money on initiatives that take into account the social issues of lower income people and how they negatively affect marriage in this demographic group.  By realizing how these social issues affect marriage,  researchers feel that lower income individuals would have a more positive outlook on marriage, and those couples already married, would take those steps necessary to create a more successful marriage.

With the divorce rate hovering around the 50 percent mark in the United States, more couples are turning towards counseling to help cope with divorce.  Divorce counseling, also called divorce therapy, is a fairly new concept in the mental health field, and is a therapeutic process for those who are either contemplating divorce, going through divorce or still suffering feelings of pain or humiliation from a divorce.  A divorce counselor can assist in helping an individual grow personally and adjust to life during and after divorce.

When you begin to think your marriage is heading in the wrong direction and you feel you need to share your feelings of sorrow, grief or anger with someone, that’s a good time to look for an experienced divorce counselor.  An experienced divorce counselor helps you understand your reactions during and after the divorce process.  Not only can a counselor help you share your reactions and express your feelings in the best positive manner, he can help in identifying your feelings related to your spouse, family members and even the institution of marriage itself.  By teaching individuals and couples to manage anger, frustration, feelings of loss, and by assisting in strengthening communications and negotiation skills, counseling can either help a couple contemplating divorce work through their problems and make their marriage work, or assist the couples who decide to divorce, go through a divorce with more amicable feelings. 

When looking for a divorce counselor, always choose a licensed mental health professional, which will help ensure they have the necessary education, qualities and experience to practice in the state in which you reside.  You also need to make sure you are comfortable talking with a counselor, and choose one who you will feel at ease sharing your feelings and personal life without any hesitations.  When you have chosen well, your divorce counselor will help you end your marriage with dignity and respect.

One of the benefits of getting married, is sharing things with your new spouse,  Instead of two rent payment to make, there is only one rent payment.  The same is true of cable, electricity, gas and water bills.  Married couples benefit from sharing legal and  financial assets and health and insurance policies as well.  When a couple is married and both are working, couples usually cover one another under the better health insurance policy.

When a couple files for divorce, they split up their assets.  However, there are some assets they have enjoyed during their married life, that cannot be split, and one of those assets is health insurance.

When a couple is going through a divorce, the spouse that is covered by his or her soon to be ex-spouse’s health insurance, needs to contact the human resources department of his or her company as soon as divorce proceedings begin to start the process of obtaining health coverage under the company.  Once divorced, you no longer can remain under your ex-spouse’s health insurance.  Any children in the marriage can still be covered under the other parent’s insurance policy.  A non-employee spouse may be able to obtain COBRA insurance after a divorce, but this type of insurance only lasts up to 36 months.

Although a divorcing individual may be able to obtain COBRA health insurance, they are encouraged by divorce professionals to obtain health insurance as soon as possible because, should a major health problem develop during the divorce proceedings, a new insurance company may charge a higher premium or may deny coverage as well.

When going through a divorce, it is very important to discuss health insurance and any other issues with your family law attorney, so that he can determine the best way to ensure that your health is covered during and after the divorce.