Going through the divorce process is an emotional, stressful time in a person’s life, which is even made even more difficult when the divorce is a “bad” one. According to one counselor and mental health consultant, Diana Dodson, divorcing couples need to learn how to have a more amenable divorce, especially when there are children involved.
Dr. Dodson states that it is difficult for divorcing couples to not have feelings of anger, getting even with the ex-spouse, blaming the spouse for the marriage problems, not accepting responsibility for the marriage break-up, denying problems exist, putting children in the middle, feeling like a failure or feeling rejected. These things are, according to Dodson, some of the things we do and feel when we are in the middle of a divorce. There are ways to feel better about your divorce, even if you are angry, frustrated or devastated by the divorce.
When you both are unhappy in a marriage, then it isn’t a good marriage and you are better off apart. Don’t try to hurt the other person as this is very immature, and although you may think this will make you feel better, in the end you will probably feel ashamed of your actions. Sitting down and talking to someone, whether it be a professional or just a friend, may help you come to terms with the divorce. Before divorcing, you may want to try a trial separation to give you the time and space to decide if divorce is really is really the avenue you want to take. Talking with a marriage counselor at this time could be beneficial in working out the issues in your marriage.
One important point Dr. Dodson brings up is never putting the children in the middle in a divorce. Do not use your children to get even, and do not say negative things about the other parent to your children as this could come back to haunt you as the children become older. If parents can accept the divorce and come to terms with themselves, a divorce will not only be easier for them, but for their children as well.